I’ve been working with women physicians intensively now for six years, and I’ve noticed a few things.

The women I work with are amazing. They are altruistic and caring. They are resilient, independent, and able to put others’ needs before their own. They are smart, detail-oriented, and care about getting things right.  

If you’re a patient (and we all are at some point), this is exactly what you want in your doctor. Plus, the ability to subjugate your needs is a requirement to get through pre-med studies, medical school, and residency training. If you’re a 3rd year student holding the retractor for an abdominal surgery and you have to pee, or hydrate, or eat something, too bad.

So physicians rely on traits like self-sacrifice, pleasing others, and perfectionism to successfully become physicians.

Over the past decade, and especially the past three years, time pressure has escalated for healthcare workers. For physicians, some of the underlying causes are understaffing, shortened visit length, and a huge increase in patient messaging. Whereas in the past, they may have had some slack in their schedule so they could write the “perfect” note or cover 7 problems in a patient visit or take 20 minutes to confer with a specialist, now trying to do this results in frustration, exhaustion, or burnout.

This is where the habits and ways of being that got physicians to be physicians can wreak havoc. However, what’s needed is not to swing to the opposite pole and never sacrifice or please others or go for perfect, but to modulate. And this requires quieting those sabotaging inner voices that load on the guilt and self-criticism.

Easier said than done, but it is possible. I’ve seen the freedom that comes when these sabotaging voices are silenced enough that women physicians can confidently say no, set healthy boundaries, protect some time for themselves, and aim for excellence rather than chasing perfect everywhere.

If this sounds familiar, know that the shift from stuck to flourishing is possible. Ping me if you’d like some ideas on how.